Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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