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Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
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