quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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