She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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