I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize