Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
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I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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