Apparently you make a good broom.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize