I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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