I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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