i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize