Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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