Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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