Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
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Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
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If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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