Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
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Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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