Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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