i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize