If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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