im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
COCAINE IS GR8
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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