he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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