he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
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I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
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Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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