I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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