i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize