I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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