You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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