Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
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Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
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Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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