dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
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If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
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I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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