Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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