When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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