just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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