glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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