I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
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I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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