it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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