It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
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We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
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I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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