clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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