Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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