guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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