So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
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As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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