i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize