Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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