She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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