I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
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Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
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I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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