I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize