If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
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i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
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I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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