I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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