so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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