Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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