I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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