My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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