I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize