Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
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Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
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Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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